I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
