I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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