I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
