I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
