I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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