so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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