you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
