I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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