So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
