I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
