you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
