is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize