I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
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Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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