My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
