writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
