; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
