I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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