I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
