I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
