I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
