You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
