Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
