Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
