Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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