Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
