eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
