marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
