I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
