I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
