hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
