You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
