Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
