Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
