What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
