Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
