love makes seman taste better
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
