my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
