i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
