Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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