What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
