she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
