I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
