just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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