Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
