if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
