and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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