dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
