I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
