Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
