sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
