Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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