He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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