why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
