so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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