dude i'm inner monologue high
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
