I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
