What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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