are you so shy because you have an std?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
