she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
