I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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