The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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