Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
