Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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