ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
