apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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